Thoughts on the new year

Looks like I'll be staying another year here if the funding bears out. Its strange starting a new year. No longer new and now more familiar with the ins and outs of the college. Yet am feeling the pressure to be that much better and that much more confident.
Its do or die year in some ways. Its here for me to get ready to be good enough to audition end next year. With a new intake on my heels and a fab set in my year its no picnic competing for gig and roles and even the tutors attention. But thats the life I am choosing, to be always on show. I'm competitive by nature and the thought of being second best is unacceptable. It drives me to succeed but also leaves my in moments of selfdoubt and frustration. Nothing is ever easy.
Someone back home said to me that I must be having the time of my life just singing away all day. Felt like laughing..if only they knew. Read an article today that musicians are in the top five professions most prone to breakdowns. The bitchiness and back biting that goes on among the students , so many seem to have a chip on their shoulder. Everyone is so afraid of everyone else and its shows. I'm thankful to to be old enough to brush it off and also have the blessings of friends here to cushion the blows.